I've been thinking, and I've realized that things are really different than they were a few years ago. I mean, things have always been going pretty awesome, but when you take a time in your life and compare it to the present, things are completely...well, different.For example, 2nd grade. I had one of the best teachers ever. My friends and I formed a band. I started playing Dark, Jay, and Shadow with my two best friends in the world. And, that was also probably the year that I had the best times with my favorite cousin ever, John.
He was ten. I was eight. And he was the best cousin I could ask for. He was always up for another game, and never ran out of ideas. I loved every minute with him.
The game-playing never stoped. In the top picture, we were probably talking about our characters in the car. In the bottom picture, we were playing an awesome game in the back yard in Long Beach. The best games we played, I shared with Emma and Cynthia at school. And, they loved the ideas just as much as I did. They were perfect ideas.
Now: I can hardly get an adventure game out of him. I always seem to get my hopes up, and then it hits me. He's not ten anymore. He's fourteen, soon to be fifteen, and already in high school. Its just not the same. But, its not his fault. He has other interests now, other things to do. He's older, and that's just not going to change. I'll probably never have a cousin as fantastic as him, and I'll probably never play better games. But I guess I'll just have to accept that. Get used to it, and not let past memories change reality. Now, when I hear he's coming over, I shouldn't get out the toy weapons, or the old weapon catalogs we used to use for ideas. I should find other things to do. Find something to help me talk to a fourteen year old. Anything.
So many things remind me of the old John. Movies, books, video games, pictures. I mean, I only liked the movie Eragon because it reminded me of the old games I played so often with the old John. Those same memories contributed to how much I enjoyed Hellboy, one and two. The Legend of Zelda? John. The Moorchild? John. Almost everything else I've ever enjoyed reading, watching, or playing? You guessed it, John.
No matter how hard I try to put it all in the past, I know I'll never be able to put aside those memories and just realize what's really going on. People are changing. They may never be like they were in the past ever again, but maybe I can find some way to have fun with the new versions of my old friends and relitives. Make new memories, maybe memories good enough to replace the old ones. Somehow.
*No offense to anyone.
4 comments:
Hm. This is what's called "Growing Up". It sucks, a lot of the time. But it also has it's perks. I discovered some of them on my trip to Seattle last week. I saw my favorite cousins, whom I hadn't seen in 8 years. And it was crazy because all of a sudden, these cousins who I remembered as boys, looked like Grown Up Men. And the relationship was not what it was when we were 6 or 10 or 14 or 17. But it was freaking AWESOME. You built a wonderful relationship with John when you were little, you bonded with him. And that bond will carry you over time. Right now it might seem like you have totally different interests, or like the age gap is too big, but just be patient. Before you know it, and if you want it, he'll be your best friend again.
you are so incredibly wise, lady-child.
Oh, Mosca, I remember him that way too. When we camped in the backyard in Long Beach, and the next day we went to breakfast with both of you in costume . . . that was so much fun. I have lots and lots of great John memories. I miss the kid he used to be, too. Sometimes I wish that he could forget that he's a teenager and just go back the old days. And you know, he just might. After all, look at me. Do you really think I ever grew up? Not a chance. John will figure it out--the grown up thing IS NO FUN AT ALL. And when he figures that out, you can dust off those weapon catalogs. You'll need them again!
I cried too sweetie.
Nothing is ever the same as it was even 10 seconds ago. That's why we have to live in the present and enjoy every minute of it. You're not the same person you were even six months ago, but that's okay because you're getting better even as you change. I love you Monkey. (One day you won't let me call you that.)
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